There's Someone Special 'In There'

We've recently had friends remark that they did not realize everything that Ammon could do. Some didn't know he could laugh, that he could interact, or that he could really even smile. They've expressed their gratitude for the blog over the past two months, because they have come to realize everything wonderful that Ammon could do, particularly with a little time and love (which you'll remember are Ammon's favorite things). Most have already felt Ammon's strong spirit and the joy he radiates and inspires, but there is so much more that everyone has been learning about him. Most people don't say these exact words, but I know are conveying that in some regards they've come to realize that there is someone 'in there' and they've come to know him better.

In some regards, at times it appears that Ammon has the same attitude and characteristics of the reclusive 16 year old teenager. You carry on one sided conversations with the teenager, you organize engaging and fun activities with the unresponsive headphone wearing teenager, you sometimes even yell really loud at them how much you care and worry about them only to receive a blank expression in return. Then one day that previously unresponsive teenager, that you didn't think was listening, or cared, or even loved you, will quite suddenly put their arms around you, hold you real tight, and emotionally whisper, "I love you. Thank you for talking to me, thank you for the activities, thank you for telling me so strongly how much you loved me. Thank you for always being there for me." Turns out they were there all along, they were listening, they were watching, and finally something clicked and they recognized the time and love you had always given them.

If you really want to get to know Ammon, sometimes it requires an investment of time, sometimes over hours, days, and weeks. Most people are wanting and willing to truly know Ammon, but the realities of life and the shortness of time does not allow it. In our fast paced world, when we say Hi we expect to hear an immediate Hi in return, or at least some type of recognition. If we don't receive that immediate response, we naturally wonder if anyone was listening, if they care, or even if someone is 'in there.' And due to those real world constraints, sometimes Ammon's cerebral palsy and seizures simply don't give him the opportunity to react fast enough.

Trust me when I say, that contrary to the reclusive teenager, Ammon wants to say an immediate enthusiastic hello when someone says hi to him, but sometimes his tongue won't move the way he is pleading it to and his muscles won't contract and respond in the way they need to, to even elicit a sound, at least not immediately. Sometimes his mind is shouting, "HELLO! Please hear me, HELLO!" But all that comes out, and thats usually after 20 seconds or more of true exertion and effort, is something similar to a sigh or a breath. Sometimes, I feel, that Ammon has learned through repeated attempts that his muscles won't listen to him and his nerves won't fire, and by the time they might listen to him, what he was trying to get them to do has already passed, so why even try. Some days, when the seizures are under control and the stars are aligning right between Ammon's mind and his body and muscles, if you are patient, and if you have a little extra time on your hands, you will see the sweet inspiring boy that is in there. You will see the young boy that shouts for joy when a brother or sister stops to play with him or sing him a song, when a mother tells him how happy he makes her and how handsome he looks today, or when a father simply walks in the door. You will see how much joy he experiences at the opportunity to walk, with legs marching and pumping uncontrollably. You will see how much he loves to make and wear a crown in Primary, be included in a fun song with actions, and included in circle time at school. You will see how much he really loves you, that he recognizes and knows you, and is grateful for your friendship and your kindness.

If you are patient, and have a little extra time, you will see. You will see the outward and physical expressions of joy, service, and gratitude from Ammon, similar to what you feel by just being near him. And if you're like us, once you see, you hold those moments really close, you write them down, and you never forget. And everything you do from that point forward is to constantly involve him, pray for him, give him experiences, and shower him in love, because you never know when the stars in Ammon's mind and body are going to align again and the sweet inspiring boy inside will be able to physically respond to your hello with a beaming smile and a shout for joy.