Burning Bright...

Despite Ammon's illness setback referred to above, we are getting close to being done with this initial intensive 6-month treatment phase. We are close, and it's caused me to think quite extensively on what Ammon has been through and experienced during this first phase. Just a few thoughts.

Cancer and pain are two companions that are never far apart. They can’t do much without each other, in fact when they are separate they are virtually powerless. For many of us, pain is usually locked out in the harsh and freezing torrents and no matter how hard he pounds on our door we are not foolish or sympathetic enough to willingly invite him in and enjoy our company. Unfortunately, his companion, cancer, has an extraordinary key, perhaps more aptly described as a skeleton key. As a silent thief in the night, he uses this key on a seemingly random basis, unlocking the locks and bolts on a worn yet purposeful door here and a young sturdy door there, and inviting his friend pain to come in, and together warm themselves by a fire that is not their own and not intended for them. They try to smother every degree of warmth from that fire for themselves, even if in the process they selfishly cause it to burn out. It’s amazing how quickly they can take over a home, until their chilling presence is felt through every wall, under every cover, and even in the most safe and secret closets. Their presence is also swiftly felt throughout the neighborhood, and family after family rush to provide aid and raise the alarm. Eviction is the only solution, and the earlier the process is initiated the more realistic it is for it to occur.

On October 1, much to the surprise and dismay of everyone, authorities discovered Ammon’s door wide open and these two squatters silently and painfully making themselves at home. Ammon previously expressed all he could to tell us they had arrived and he needed them to go, but then he had to wait for some time and continue to endure while his expressions were being interpreted and finally understood by us and others. Upon their official discovery, eviction notices were swiftly served on October 2, and almost six months later a continuous round of measures have been performed to ensure their permanent eviction. The process has been incredibly difficult, and the pain has been endured with more nobility, trust, and courage than I can comprehend. With miracles and blessings, Ammon has proven to endure it well, and has been a constant reminder that this too shall pass. As we approach the end of this first “intensive induction” phase, the doors and windows in Ammon’s body have been reinforced, medical security systems have been installed, and forever there will be vigilant and wary guards ceaselessly searching the perimeter. If cancer should somehow pass through and enter again, it will not pass unnoticed this time.

For some the eviction process requires a full gutting of the home to completely eradicate the thieves’ influence and residue, not even an odor of their passing must remain. For some, due to the extensive alterations and procedures performed, the appearance will always be a visible indication that the intruders were once there. While for others, the process is different, or at least received differently, and the ending appearance to those outside looking in is that less extreme procedures were required. But no matter how extreme or unique the process is for each individual, one thing is the same and equally shared and understood among all survivors and their families, specifically that cancer was once here, and cancer might come to visit again.

That extraordinary key and its stealthy holder, sometimes have proven to be a match for even the best laid plans and defenses. Living life in fear of their return is understandable, yet unacceptable. We have received assurances that his return will not be allowed to occur, and we believe those assurances with all our hearts. But even without those assurances, though it is easy to say and much more difficult to do, that cancer and the threat of his return, cannot be allowed to destroy Ammon’s peace and joy.

The fire in Ammon’s hearth continues to burn strong, and it always will. The warmth and comfort it emits is somehow more intense than before. You are always invited to come warm yourself, and allow Ammon to be warmed by you. His door is always open to us. For us, he is a daily reminder of God’s concern and deep love for each of us. Together, each of our fires burn more brilliantly and bright.